i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
