How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
