Just fell off a train. Bad.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
