I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
