In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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