She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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