saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
