she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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