I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
