I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
