I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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