I only kidnapped one of them. chill
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
