I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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