You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
