You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
did i just pee glitter
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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