I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
