Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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