just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
