I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
