Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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