The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
