I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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