Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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