So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
