Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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