Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
