I love black thongs
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
In America we eat man semen.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize