ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
