When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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