Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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