had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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