not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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