All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have fence marks all over my body
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
