my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
