So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I checked into jail on foursquare
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
