I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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