I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
