I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
