and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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