this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
