Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
