my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
