Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
