I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
