You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
