wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
