Betty ford says i'm here all night
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
