i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
