Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
