I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
