A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
