He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
