I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
