My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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