I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
That's intense
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
