I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
