If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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